The Secret to Good Relationships
Relationships can be great, but they can also be really hard. When conflict arises, we’re expected to confront it maturely, but that’s hard when you’re right and they’re wrong. When something is annoying, boundaries have yet to be set, expectations are high, schedules are limited… relationships are complex.
How do you maintain a good relationship? Let alone, multiple. It is no secret. You’ve heard the saying “You must fill your cup before pouring into others”… or, something like that. Self-care is the way we fill our cups. And no, face masks and hot baths are not what I mean, although I support these things🧖♀️ But, what I’m talking about is self-compassion.
Our thoughts and daily dialogue with ourselves translate directly into how we interact with others. A positive dialogue and confidence in your own identity lead to a greater understanding of the people and world around us, thus allowing you to fill your cup. The goal is to pour out your overflow, not empty your cup only to have to fight to refill it all over again.
So, how do we keep our cup-filled? How do we do this thing called “self-care”? I’ll keep it short.
Know your identity and where you get it from. Once you master this, everything else will come. If you’re breathing then you’re still alive. Hooray! 🎉 If you’re still alive, there’s a reason for that which means you have every right to be here. Sometimes the fun of life is to live with a little curiosity, discovering the good you add to the world, and trust me, with some open eyes, you’ll see all the good you have to offer.
Operate from a mindset of abundance. If you had nothing else, what would be enough? Would it be your kids, your family, or your pet? Everything else is extra! I’m not saying have some sort of false positivity, but operating from a grateful heart changes everything including our capacity to socialize and be generous in the way we’d like to be with our friends ❤️
Chase positive emotions. Barbara Fredrickson published an article in 1998 arguing that “positive emotions serve to broaden individuals’ momentary thought-action repertoires, thereby contributing to good health and functioning.” This is called the broaden-and-Build Theory of Positive Emotions if you’d like to do some research for yourself. How does this work? When you find yourself in a positive state, you’re more likely to begin thinking about greater possibilities, thus allowing you to make choices that lead to future positive states.
So, yeah, take a hot bath if that’s what helps you reflect on the things that are “enough”, ground you in your secure identity, and make you think of the endless possibilities in your life. This is self-care. This is what allows us to operate positively and selflessly in all of our relationships.
Pour from an overflowing cup, not an empty one 💗
References: https://positivepsychology.com/broaden-build-theory/
