Are you talking too much?
The more I get to know people, the more I’m open to telling them every story that has ever lived in my brain. My friends quickly learned from our first meeting that I love to talk… a lot. Especially about something I’m passionate about 🤷♀️
There is nothing that aggravates me more than when you’re telling a story or think that you’re having a conversation with someone and you can visibly tell they are off in another world probably thinking about what they want for dinner that night.
Is it me? Am I talking too much? Or are they bad listeners? Probably a little bit of both if we’re being honest.
I like to feel heard. I like to feel seen even more. When it comes to my best friend, I’d go out of my way to make sure everyone at the mall stops to listen to her crazy coworker's story. Truly… I’d do anything for her because I love her. This got me thinking. Do we have this same attitude toward our daughters? Would we go out of our way to make sure they know they are heard and seen?
Yeah, sure, they may talk at the most inappropriate times and in the middle of her younger sister's ballet recital shout the occasional “I don’t want to be here, I’m bored” comment, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about when you’re at the dinner table. I’m talking about when it’s just you and her in the car. I’m talking about when you’re going for a hike.
My mom and I used to go on hikes almost every Saturday when I was in high school. We’d talk through all the things I loved - my classes, sports, tv shows, and more. In hindsight, these conversations led to major decisions. I figured out what I loved and acted on it thanks to the perspective, guidance, and support from my mom. The conversations we had in the small moments led to much bigger successes.
What is the best way to make someone feel heard? This is not a trick question. It’s simple. Listen. Most of us probably try to listen more than talk with most people we love, but do we use this principle with our daughters?
In conversations with your daughter, remember the 70:30 rule. The 70:30 rule was developed by Meg Deak. She is a licensed professional counselor of Life Rhythms working primarily with teens and parents. Throughout her years as a counselor, she noticed a pattern - more talking, and less listening from parents.
70:30 pushes us, as parents, to be listening 70% of the time and only talking 30% of the time using these moments to guide our daughters and help them see other perspectives as they learn about the world.
It’s a simple equation.
More listening + less talking = more understanding and ability to guide our daughters in the direction best fit for them.
70% listening + 30% talking = 100% intentionality in the way we interact with our daughters.
I truly believe in the power of listening and hope you see your relationships prosper when your conversations become more intentional. Keep pushing forward and trying new things - you can only grow from here, friends 💗
